This third sequel to American Pie, a 1999 teen sex comedy about a bunch of goober kids trying to lose their virginity before graduation, is the first to successfully reassemble the entire cast from the original. But that’s more due to the general lack of interest in any of the American Pie actors after 13 years than it is any inherent quality in this material. No, when American Reunion opens with a series of lame masturbation jokes, it actually feels like you’ve been transported back to the late 90s to watch a vintage gross-out comedy; but not in a good way.
American Reunion is the answer to a question no one asked. It relies heavily on nostalgia for American Pie, but it overestimates how much nostalgia for that film exists. People remember American Pie for how successful it was more than they remember how much they liked it. They remember that the one kid put his wiener in a pie, and that Stiffler was hilariously obnoxious. So that’s all you really needed to make a satisfying sequel: Stiffler and the pie. But, instead of sticking to what works, American Reunion spends far too much time catching you back up on the lives of characters like Kevin and Heather... characters who inspire a visceral reaction of, “who?” in even those of us with the clearest memories.
The strongest reaction you’ll have to watching American Reunion is wondering why it exists. When it includes a scene where a grown man is naked in a kitchen, two women come into the house, and instead of being like, “yo, I’m naked in here,” he goes through a wacky routine of trying to hide his penis and testicles behind an island of counters so that they won’t know, you start to realize that the screenwriters forgot they weren’t writing a movie about awkward teenagers anymore. And that’s because American Reunion is an idea for a movie that might make money, not an idea for a story someone wanted to tell. The jokes are bad, the acting is terrible, and the screenplay doesn’t even bother to ignore the ludicrous fact that this is a thirteen year reunion and not a tenth. Why are we still making American Pie sequels in 2012? Is there anyone in the world who sounds less natural delivering dialogue than Chris Klein? Yes, it’s Tara Reid, and they’re both in this movie. Really, the only thing American Reunion does well is cast a young girl who looks spectacular naked as the inappropriately young girl who gets temptingly naked. That counts for something, but not much.
