The latest movie from the king of schlocky blockbusters, Michael Bay, isn’t really a schlocky blockbuster at all. Actually, it’s the smallest movie he’s ever made—a crime film that mixes colorful characters and dark humor to come up with something that kind of resembles a mix between an Elmore Leonard novel and the Coen brothers’ Fargo—but, you know, not as smart as that. The story, as we’re reminded ad nauseam, is based on the true tale of a gang of down on their luck Miami bodybuilders who decide to kidnap one of the rich clients at their gym and force him to—under the influence of torture—sign over his life savings. You see, the man who owns the gym they work for is also a notary, and... ah, heck, it’s all pretty messy. Just know that these guys are complete idiots, so things don’t go well. Due to abject incompetence, a simple snatch and grab spirals downward into a twisted tale of murder and mayhem.
Christopher Markus and Stephen McFeely’s screenplay, which was based on a series of magazine articles covering the real-life events by Pete Collins, is one of the big positives here. You may not expect it from a Michael Bay movie, but Pain & Gain is actually pretty clever, and will likely keep you chuckling all the way through. And seeing as the unbelievably crazy characters who are delivering all of this clever dialogue are brought to life by a cast that includes names like Mark Wahlberg, Dwayne Johnson, Anthony Mackie, Ed Harris, Tony Shalhoub, Rob Corddry, and Rebel Wilson, it’s probably safe to say that the acting is the other big positive of the film. Pain & Gain has charm to spare.
It’s also kind of empty and stupid though. The characters are all so misguided, so reprehensible, that you would think that there would be a dusting of satire covering their actions, similar to the one Harmony Korine used in the recent Spring Breakers. But, instead, Markus and McFeely’s script and Bay’s direction play everything straight, and if anything they want to earn high-fives and cheers for how awesomely depraved the places they go can be. Bay’s action movies are known for being brainless and boisterous, and while Pain & Gain largely manages to avoid the worst of his obnoxious camera work and editing through not being action based, it still suffers a bit due to his sensibilities.
The character Ed Harris is playing, a straight-laced private dick who gets sucked into the situation, might have given us a window into the insanity and someone to relate to—similar to the way Frances McDormand’s cop character did in Fargo—but unfortunately he doesn’t get enough screen time to make a difference. Instead, we’re mostly stuck with Wahlberg, Johnson, and Mackie’s criminal characters, and while they’re funny guys and even a bit likable, they’re just not relatable enough to anchor a movie as its protagonists. With these beefed up buffoons at the center of the film, the basic tension of the narrative becomes the question of whether or not they’re going to get away with their crimes, or at least discover some kind of contentment in their lives, and of course they’re not going to get away with their crimes or find any kind of contentment—they’re complete idiots. So, after some time, the film degenerates into becoming a series of darkly amusing anecdotes that don’t really come together as a satisfying whole. Honestly, just cutting out the bits where the focus switches to Shalhoub’s completely contemptible rich guy character and devoting that time to giving Harris’ private eye a meatier arc would have made a world of difference, but alas.
Pain & Gain doesn’t completely escape the tyranny of Bay’s abrasive aesthetic either. You don’t even manage to get through the first ten minutes before you’ve already become annoyed with the overuse of slow-motion, and though there aren’t any chase sequences or anything large-scale that would force you to suffer through Bay’s inept sequential storytelling skills, there are still plenty of cases of his camera refusing to sit still even when there’s no discernible reason for it to be moving. One sequence where the camera keeps moving in a 360 degree path through the interior of a house, entering and exiting rooms via holes in the wall in a bit of David Fincher-esque CG trickery, is especially egregious. The technique is there simply to draw attention to itself, it distracts, and the only thing it accomplishes is making you appreciate just how seamless and elegant a filmmaker like Fincher’s use of stylistic flourish can be. Pain & Gain is pretty good for a Michael Bay movie, but it’s still a Michael Bay movie.
